My pleasant day

I am sitting here fairly happy for once, even though I did have to work on a Friday something that I hate to do. I did have a pretty nice day considering how it began.....with a level 3 snow emergency in Darke Co.....and my tummy bothering me a bit.....and after I was at work "the boss man" being a tad bit moody. I do have to thank Elvinet for makin' me laugh this afternoon. She broke the fax machine....her little spasm about breaking it was funny. It was humerious to watch her run around campus trying to retrieve a fax which still ended up coming to the broken fax machine after Roger from It fixed it. I was even able to eat my dinner tonight without it upsetting my tummy. So ....yeah for me! I do need to buckle down and get this revising done. Beth sent me my revisions for my novel with tips on how to improve. I also need to get my hands on a Raymond Carver novel. Right I am in a pretty happy place......the yoga really helped last night. I will continue with it tonight.

the lowest point

I have been in a major funk here lately.....today being the lowest point ever! I woke up this morning feeling like rolled over crap. I didn't want to get up.....so I didn't. At first I was only going to skip Geology but I didn't even get up until after 10am. I emailed to work .....did some homework.....but I didn't finish much. I need to figure out how to get out of this. I have so much to do this semester. Beth emailed me about my chapter so I have some revising and reading to do for that not to mention my regular homework/classwork I have to do. I am really getting nervous ....which makes the panic attacks come back. I can't seem to wrap my mind around anything anymore. I know part of the problem is that I can't seem to relax.

Frustrations

I have been dealing with so many frustrations here lately.....I'm really not sure what to do. I mean....between my boys' bicking and Tim's too numerous issues, an ohhh my mom and her problems. How do I have time for the things that I need. I mean really. That's not counting my work problems (my boss' secretary is pushing things on me to do....I know that he's noticed it). I have my classes and a book to write. So, where in all of this is time for me?!? Where do i have time to relax and if I did make time......would I seriously be able to? Or would I just worry more about things that I should be doing instead? Probably the later. My friends keep telling to take the time for me and do something to relax. But what? I don't know? There are not that many things to do in order to relax. I can't go to a spa.....no money. I used to relax in with a nice long hot bubble bath......listening to soft jazz music. I might have to try that.

Understanding Josh

I have been trying to write the next chapter of this novel for the last three days, yet all I have to show for it is a few decent paragraphs. I guess its at least a start, but I just wish I had more. I might be trying to push too much or I'm just not making enough time for it to flow. I read a bit from my book of exercises, do an exercise, then not much else. I need to then immediately startn on the novel. I am not spending enough time with my characters. I need to get to know them again especially since Josh has developed a mental disorder. I need to get to know the adult Josh. When I began writing with these characters, most of the story was Josh growing up though more and more of the story is his adulthood. I think the story is essentially about him as an adult but I had to write about him as a child in order to understand why he is the way he is.

The Shoe that drops

This is an exercise from on of my writing books......The Lie That Tells the Truth by John Dufresne. I am going to do these exercises for my characters of my novel.

"What do you think is missing in your life?" shouts the evangelist from the small box-shaped television sitting atop of the counter behind the bubble gum popping, long, bright red painted acrylic nailed attendant with bright red lipstick and way too much blush on her tiny cheeks. She scans his items between pops of the bright blue gum. "That'll be $20.96," pop, slurp. Josh tosses $21 walks out the door thinking about that question. What is missing? It's true something is. Other than normalcy. Nothing is normal anymore. Nothing has been normal for months. Car honks at him for stepping in front of it though he barely notices. Six months before he noticed everything and everyone. He had to. If he didn't people died. People died.......he was surrounded by death. He couldn't escape it. Enemies, friends, buddies, strangers, children, women......they all died. He didn't. He didn't even get hurt. Why? Was it an act of GOD like his mother said? Or was he just lucky? Nah....can't be luck......if that was the case life would be different. He wouldn't be wondering through life questioning everyone and everything.

health issues lead to writing issues

I know I said I was going to use this for my writing but when the mind is clouded it won't let me be creative. Right now, my mind is preoccupied with my health problems. Granted they are minor compared to others problems but I have always been in pretty good health until recently. I just found out the reasons for all the pains in my abdomen and for the constant nausea. I have gallstones something that is normally not much of an issue but my doc is sending me to a surgeon which means I must have some pretty major gallstone problems. But that really isn't worrying me. Its something else he mentioned during the conversation. He wants to do another ultrasound on my abdomenal. And now I can not spell. Great. This day just get better and better. The reason he wants to do another is he saw an abnormality with my arteries. That's a bit worry some. I mean....A gallbladder and gallstone...no biggie. I don't need a gallbladder. But what the heck is wrong with the arteries. Seriously, you don't tell someone there's something abnormal and then end the conversation. I want more answers, but I know I probably won't get them anytime soon. Even if I make an appointment to discuss it he will tell me he's just being precautious which translates to I want to cover my ass so you can't sue me if I fuck up. I'm just emotional because I'm stuck inside with very little to do. I suppose I could do housework or something a bit more productive but I'm not. So, instead I keep stewing over this. I know it's unhealthy. I should make myself get up and do yoga or anything that will help get my mind off of my own issues. I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm worried about my mother which I should,'t because I should force her to stop acting like a child and take care of herself. Instead I am enabling her. I keep doing it because its easier than the guilt.

uninspired

I am supposed to be writing a novel but I am completely uninspired. Noteven a sentence will form. Nothing makes sense. I think I've been away from my writing for too long. I need to figure out a way to get back to it.....but how? This is my problem. I'm not sure how. I have reviewed my notes.....everything I have written prior seems like so long ago. The characters feel like strangers to me. I barely know them anymore. I need to reconnect with them somehow. I'm not quite sure how yet. This is something that I have been bouncing around my head for the past week or so. I should email Beth my advisor for some advice but I know she is working on a book herself and she's not even in the state yet. She's still in maine for a writing conference. So....I could ask another writing professor who could help. Or I could keep whining in my many blogs about how horrible things are with my writing. I have tried doing writing exercises though personally I think I should do these exercises everyday before doing my writing on the novel.

writer's blog

I have decided to use this blog as my writing blog where I do writing exercises for my novel. I figured this will help me be more productive with my writing. I have been struggling lately with this novel and what better way to be more productive than to do writing exercises. This is where I'm going to place all of them. Here's the first exercise:


I was always taught to never look down while walking by looking down implies there is something to be ashamed of or hiding from something.

That crooked smile, the left side of her upper lip would curve up higher than the right almost like Elvis'.

So much has changed since I was here last, yet everything is the same.

There's a Wal-mart on Forth St where Pete's Lumber used to be and down the road is a new strip mall with cell phone store, Dollar Tree, shoe store, Aldi's, and a department store all these things are just a few of the changes that have happened since I left a year and half ago.

"What the hell Liz! You never want to go anywhere. You need to get out of this house," Josh pleads with his wife sitting at the computer almost oblivious to him.