Day 3 of Tim's antics

Today is the third day that Tim has been yelling, screaming and basically bitching about everything. First he was upset because Alex didn't go out and train Flash at the exact moment that Tim said. Grant it, Alex should've  went out and trained the dog. But he didn't thus so Tim went off the deep end. He started yelling--literally yelling.  Stating that Alex is a bad kid and he never listens....blah blah blah. He does listen. At times, he thinks he's rebelling against whatever teens are rebelling against. There are a few things that Tim was correct about...such as Alex should've done what he was told without flying off at the mouth. Tim should've tried to hit Alex with a closed fist though according to Tim, he never intended to hit Alex. Tim keeps going on and on about it. To Tim the only punishment for the children is spankings something which I really prefer not to use. I have spanked the twins after they destroy things or make severe messes.
Right now, Tim is talking to his mother which is just making the situation worse than better because she is blaming everything on me and Alex instead of making Tim realize that his reactions are over the top. He was angry after only a few minutes of speaking with Alex. This isn't a normal "I'm pissed off" kind of thing either. No this is I'm going to hurt or kill someone. I always stop Tim when he's like this because I'm scared he's going to hurt someone.
I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm not sure how much more of this I can handle from Tim. Everyday, it's something new. Yesterday, it was I'm a bitch and ask too much from him. He is depressed. That's why he can't do anything around the house. He hasn't done any type of housework since May. I've done everything with Alex helping occasionally. Yesterday, I asked him why he doesn't help around the house more. Yes I probably didn't use very good tact. It would be a different story if he worked a lot but he doesn't. He doesn't work at all. He's a student. An online student. He's always home. But yet I'm the one who scrubs the kitchen floor and the bathroom down. I'm the only one who does laundry and puts it away. I'm tired. I'm tired of working and going to school full time. I'm tired of being the only one who does anything around the house.
The day before he started a fight because he wanted sex while I was sleeping. It's my fault because I didn't wake up when he wanted sex!?! For crying out loud! I was sleeping. Instead we fought for over three hours about everything from lack of sex to how his PTSD is not being treated to how I was raised was wrong because I was not abused as a child and I grew up with both of my parents.

The slacker is leaving the building......

I know I have been slacking as of recently but seriously.....I needed to. I have been going and going and going for so long I almost forgot how to relax. Sadly, it took some time for me to relax. Now that summer is coming to a close, I need to get reactivated. I need to return to my writing....get out of the notes stage and into the writing phase. I also need to refresh myself with my french especially since I am working with Dottie--Miss Language herself. As of tomorrow....the slacker will leave. She is going on vacation so the serious side can return to kick some academic butt. I know I should start now....but my fun slacker side is asking for one more night. I felt this is only fair since Miss serious didn't leave when she was asked. She didn't leave till a week later. It's fair that I give the slacker another few hours. In the morning, she will be gone. We shall see how motivated Tim stays also. He was really on top of things this evening. He cooked dinner, and did his homework. I am hoping this new side of him stays for more than just a few hours. He made a healthy dinner and went for a run this morning though personally, I am questioning this supposed run but why question something so frivolous. It's only hurting him but lying about exercising when he's not. It does hurt my feeling a bit. I know he lies when he's feeling self-conscious of himself. I know returning to school is an area he's very uncomfortable with especially since he was not the best student in high school. He hardly ever attended school let alone actually do homework. This is something he is very unfamiliar with. These are things I try to remember when he lies. I know he doesn't do it on purpose....when I do call him out it causes more problems than just letting it go. I bruise his ego when I do. I need to remember that guys' ego are fragile and if the ego is not fed often enough it leads down a very dark and lonely path.

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stress and laundry

Why does everything seem worse when there is a boatload of laundry to do? Do the two really have a connection? Though I seriously doubt it.....it does occur quite often for me. Instead of stressing about the big things that I really should be upset about I stress about the damn laundry. There's too much of in the bedroom....my hamper is overflowing. Why is it that no one....and I mean no one can actually put clothes in the hamper instead of in front of, beside, behind the hamper? Is it embedded in the Y chromosome to not put clothes in the hamper? A friend told me no though I am not sure I believe him. Honestly, what's it matter whether or not all the clothes in the bathroom are washed or if the boys' hamper is absolutely empty but the floor is unseen. In the big picture of it all.....it doesn't matter. As long as the whole family has clean clothes does it matter if ALL the clothes are clean? No. But then if I don't obsesses about something as small and minuscule as the laundry then what? The dishes? Or the dust on the dragons? The laundry is a distraction from the important things....like money, schoolwork, work issues, friend issues, Tim's issues and/or problems, ect.

A frustrating Day

The day has not been one of the peachiest. I had a very restless sleep. The entire day all i have heard is children fighting and bickering with one another. Alex had an attitude problem for a bit and Mathew was just whining. Nothing bad has happened today though nothing good has either. For some reason I have pretty frustrated with everyone and everything. If one person whines just a little.....it gets on my nerves as if they have been carrying on for hours. It could just be that I am frustrated period and it is carrying over onto the children. Maybe things will be better after they go to bed. Why do the twins like to run throughout the apartment when they know it's against the rules? I swear they plot...."let's figure out what else we can do to make mom mad."
It's only 8:30pm and.....oh the kids are soooo wired. and now Tim wants to go to the hospital just because his ear has excessive wax build up that is blocking his hearing a bit. It bothers me since I've had an ear infection for almost two weeks with only partial hearing and yet he goes to the hospital just for some ear wax. It's like come on really? He goes to the hospital for all kinds of things instead of waiting until the doctor office opens to see the doctor.

busy days among the sick

I have not been feeling well lately. I've been hoarse from my sinuses dripping into my throat. Tim made me go to the doctor since I was so run down and such. I found out I have a sinus infection. I'm still hoarse, but now I also have this nasty cough which hurts every time I cough. I just hate being sick even if it is just my sinuses. I really should go to Stacie's graduation party but I really don't feel like it. All I really want to do is go in my room sleep, watch movies, read, and write a bit.
Why is it so difficult lately to write? I love writing. Is it the pressure of publishing? Failure? Success? Laziness? I really don't know right now. I do know that I feel like shit whether this feeling stems from lack of writing or my sinuses affecting me remains to be answered. Time will tell which it is. I originally was going to write about how Tim had another episode but somehow that just seems insignificant. But why is it so unimportant? Am I that shallow right now that his problems are less compared to my own? Especially since my issues are actually quite small to his. At least he has reasons for everything he is going through.....his PTSD has affected him in ways no one realized until he could no longer ingnore them. I was quite proud of him yesterday during IUEast graduation ceremony. There was a very large crowd, he did not panic until later when he had been in the crowd for a long period of time. His panic attack did not last very long after he was able to distance himself from the crowd. I think one of the reasons why he had problems sleeping last night was due to the panic attck and the crowd. He also woke up today angry. Although, the anger could have been because the smaller three were being loud, and fighting/bickering with each other. His episode today could've had nothing to do with the PTSD but his lack of knowing how to cope with his emotions such as anger.