Changed T.S. Murphy

Kate McGuire has had a crush on her brother's best friend, Quinn Haley for years. This is her senior year of high school--a year that should be memorable. This is a year that she will never forget--for all the wrong reasons. Kate is 18 and has never had a period. She finally tells her mother--for years Kate has been lying to her mother about her cycle. Her senior year is filled with doctor appointments and trips to specialists. What Kate finds from these appointments changes every fiber of her being. Who is she? Can she overcome these issues? How will her future look?
Kate also discovers that Quinn doesn't see her as his best friend's kid sister. If he was honest with himself, he hasn't felt that way for years. He has a girlfriend and preparing for law school. Oh, and his biological father decides to reappear in his life--who wants an active part of his life. Even after he declares his love for Kate, she pushes him away afraid to tell him about her health issues. He stays and supports her though she keeps her health issues from him. But can they survive with so many issues between them? 

A Change of Pace Freya Barker

A Change of Pace

Freya Barker

Newt Tobias would do anything for his little girl--even retire early from the force and move to a small lake community to give Millie a new beginning after her mother's  tragic cancer loss. Millie is also a cutter due to her lack of control over elements in her life--mother's death, moving in with her dad, dad being shot, and being a teen. After meeting Freddy and her dog, Boulder at school--Millie begins to develop a relationship with Freddy. 

Freddy uses animals to connect with her patients. Freddy's therapy style is a bit unorthodox, but filled with results. Freddy knows she shouldn't invite patients to her home--she knows that Millie will come out of her shell around the numerous animals on her land. An afternoon with Freddy's animals and Millie slowly starts coming out of her shell and talking about the first time she cut--after Newt was shot. Millie isn't the only person that Freddy is getting too close to. The more she's around Newt, more she's drawn to the man as more than a patient's father. Soon life changes pace for everyone from Freddy's cancer scare to Millie's kidnapping. Neither Newt or Freddy leave each other's side during the changes in their lives instead it pulls them closer to each other. But what happens when Millie wants to make them one family in one house instead of two? 

Mother Nature is a manatical bitch

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I have been sick all day because Eve ate the stupid apple thus women for all time must pay for her stupidity. Now, every month I get so sick that I have to go to the doctor. For awhile, I had to take birth control pills just to find some sort of relief. They are no longer working. Well they might if I hadn't ran out. I really hate PMDD. I almost feel like I'm pregnant again sometimes its worse--labor. Oh, the days where I would get nauseous from smells or the "look" of food. Oh! Wait with this damn PMDD I do. I have felt like throwing up all day. I just I'll have to break down and go to the doctor but I hate taking pills. I always forget to take them. I hate the mood swings, headaches, acne breakouts (as if I'm still a teen), the nausea, the excruciating cramps in the abdomen and the lower back. Oh the "pleasures" of being a woman. It's days like these where I would love to kick Eve's ass for eating the fruit. Why couldn't she just listen? That was the only rule. Just one simple rule. Ane she had to break it. Causing suffering for women to the end of time.

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A frustrating Day

The day has not been one of the peachiest. I had a very restless sleep. The entire day all i have heard is children fighting and bickering with one another. Alex had an attitude problem for a bit and Mathew was just whining. Nothing bad has happened today though nothing good has either. For some reason I have pretty frustrated with everyone and everything. If one person whines just a little.....it gets on my nerves as if they have been carrying on for hours. It could just be that I am frustrated period and it is carrying over onto the children. Maybe things will be better after they go to bed. Why do the twins like to run throughout the apartment when they know it's against the rules? I swear they plot...."let's figure out what else we can do to make mom mad."
It's only 8:30pm and.....oh the kids are soooo wired. and now Tim wants to go to the hospital just because his ear has excessive wax build up that is blocking his hearing a bit. It bothers me since I've had an ear infection for almost two weeks with only partial hearing and yet he goes to the hospital just for some ear wax. It's like come on really? He goes to the hospital for all kinds of things instead of waiting until the doctor office opens to see the doctor.

A very weird day

The day began off key and ended even worse. I had problems sleeping again due to the choking issues from my sinus infection then only to awake at 6, hop off to work only to find out that my mothers thing is tomorrow so I had to take her all the way back to my place. I knew this would completely infuriate Tim but I was just trying to dump her off so I wouldn't be too late to work. Tim kept calling me because she was driving him insane with her constant whining and complaining about nothing. How does one complain about nothing. Because what she is complaining about is so unimportant.....it's nothing to anyone. She is only complaining to her her own voice. On top of it all......I have to help her find a place in Richmond. Oh I am so not looking forward to that. I am just ready for the upside of my life. Everything has been on the downside.....we are fine.....but not great....not good. Just fine. We are surviving. I don't want to survive anymore. I want to be comfortable .....no I want to be happy. I want to stop struggling. I want to bask in happiness. Maybe this is why I am having so many problem with writing. Honestly, I'm not real sure what I want but I know what don't want. I don't want an apartment that is cluttered as it is. I don't want all the bickering and nit-picking that has been happening. I don't want to stay home all the time.

more health issues

I am getting quite sick and tired of being sick. Last week, I went to the doctor for my sinuses something I knew was infected and yet again I went back to the doctor my ears. Ha! What'd ya know! I have fluid behind both ears. He just gave me even more meds to take. Oh! I hate it when I'm right sometimes. I really do wish the ringing in my ears would stop. It's beyond annoying. According to Harshbarger, the ringing will stop when I'm able to get all the flem and mucus to break up that's lying in my sinus cavity and now my ear canals. What's a bit sad is the only I've talked about lately is my health and allergy problems. I need to write but for some reason I have no desire to.

busy days among the sick

I have not been feeling well lately. I've been hoarse from my sinuses dripping into my throat. Tim made me go to the doctor since I was so run down and such. I found out I have a sinus infection. I'm still hoarse, but now I also have this nasty cough which hurts every time I cough. I just hate being sick even if it is just my sinuses. I really should go to Stacie's graduation party but I really don't feel like it. All I really want to do is go in my room sleep, watch movies, read, and write a bit.
Why is it so difficult lately to write? I love writing. Is it the pressure of publishing? Failure? Success? Laziness? I really don't know right now. I do know that I feel like shit whether this feeling stems from lack of writing or my sinuses affecting me remains to be answered. Time will tell which it is. I originally was going to write about how Tim had another episode but somehow that just seems insignificant. But why is it so unimportant? Am I that shallow right now that his problems are less compared to my own? Especially since my issues are actually quite small to his. At least he has reasons for everything he is going through.....his PTSD has affected him in ways no one realized until he could no longer ingnore them. I was quite proud of him yesterday during IUEast graduation ceremony. There was a very large crowd, he did not panic until later when he had been in the crowd for a long period of time. His panic attack did not last very long after he was able to distance himself from the crowd. I think one of the reasons why he had problems sleeping last night was due to the panic attck and the crowd. He also woke up today angry. Although, the anger could have been because the smaller three were being loud, and fighting/bickering with each other. His episode today could've had nothing to do with the PTSD but his lack of knowing how to cope with his emotions such as anger.

depression & gallbladder

Here lately I've been a bit depressed, I sleep a lot and not really all that motivated to get things done. The doctor thinks it's the side effects from this gallbadder thing and after the surgery to remove it things will begin to normalize again but I have my doubts. Personally, I think I've been using this gallbadder thing as an excuse to lay around which is so not like me. I'm the active person who can barely make it through one movie without moving or getting up. I used to constantly be moving. If I could I would go back to sleep right now, which is sad since it's only 8 pm. I will be glad when all this is over with and I can make routines and schedules again, know that I will be able to keep them. I won't want to go eat something or lay down for a nap.

the lowest point

I have been in a major funk here lately.....today being the lowest point ever! I woke up this morning feeling like rolled over crap. I didn't want to get up.....so I didn't. At first I was only going to skip Geology but I didn't even get up until after 10am. I emailed to work .....did some homework.....but I didn't finish much. I need to figure out how to get out of this. I have so much to do this semester. Beth emailed me about my chapter so I have some revising and reading to do for that not to mention my regular homework/classwork I have to do. I am really getting nervous ....which makes the panic attacks come back. I can't seem to wrap my mind around anything anymore. I know part of the problem is that I can't seem to relax.

health issues lead to writing issues

I know I said I was going to use this for my writing but when the mind is clouded it won't let me be creative. Right now, my mind is preoccupied with my health problems. Granted they are minor compared to others problems but I have always been in pretty good health until recently. I just found out the reasons for all the pains in my abdomen and for the constant nausea. I have gallstones something that is normally not much of an issue but my doc is sending me to a surgeon which means I must have some pretty major gallstone problems. But that really isn't worrying me. Its something else he mentioned during the conversation. He wants to do another ultrasound on my abdomenal. And now I can not spell. Great. This day just get better and better. The reason he wants to do another is he saw an abnormality with my arteries. That's a bit worry some. I mean....A gallbladder and gallstone...no biggie. I don't need a gallbladder. But what the heck is wrong with the arteries. Seriously, you don't tell someone there's something abnormal and then end the conversation. I want more answers, but I know I probably won't get them anytime soon. Even if I make an appointment to discuss it he will tell me he's just being precautious which translates to I want to cover my ass so you can't sue me if I fuck up. I'm just emotional because I'm stuck inside with very little to do. I suppose I could do housework or something a bit more productive but I'm not. So, instead I keep stewing over this. I know it's unhealthy. I should make myself get up and do yoga or anything that will help get my mind off of my own issues. I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm worried about my mother which I should,'t because I should force her to stop acting like a child and take care of herself. Instead I am enabling her. I keep doing it because its easier than the guilt.