A sisters pride

Rob 

Today my little brother married his soulmate. All the hard work on the wedding preparations paid off when I saw the look on his face when his bride walked down the aisle. Tears in his eyes, a heart filled with eternal love, I could see their entire life through his tears. The nights curled up on the sofa together, helping each other through their various health issues all while having gods love in their hearts. It was a very emotional ceremony for me, my brother, and his new wife. I was reminded how proud I am of the many accomplishments Rob has. He battled alcoholism for a number of years. He has been recovering for 5 years. Today is the second proudest I have ever been for him....the first was when he checked himself into rehab and began his road to recovery.

Wedding Stresses

My first attempt 

Tomorrow, my brother is getting married. I have been his unofficial wedding planner. I made the invitations, organized the food, destressed the bride for getting overwhelmed (daily), and (so far) attempted NOT to kill the maid of honor who has thus far shucked her duties even "forgetting" to book the avenue for the bridal shower. I am also making the finishing touches to the cupcake tree, I made. The paper isn't right so I need to resurface it. The whole thing was giving me fits. The first one I made, looked like my eight year olds made it. I was not pleased. The second one is coming along smoothly (now I know what not to do). 

My future

I'm in the process of making some major life changes. At the moment I'm stuck at a crossroad, the only thing I know is :i need to return to college for a master's degree. Herein lies my dilemma....I've been substituting at various school districts throughout darke county. I do enjoy it....I don't love it like some of my former classmates do. I think that maybe a problem. I'm not sure. I have figured out I'm not comfortable with the elementary kids...they listen to me with zero problems, but those LOL middle freak me out. I'm afraid that I won't teach them enough for the next phase of their education. Did I only choose education because I thought it would be easy or due to actually enjoying the jr/sr high schoolers?
If secondary education is not my destiny or whatever ya want to call it.....then what is? Before I finished my bachelor's degree, I was contemplating a master's in student affairs. Technically, both are education degrees.  I do enjoy helping students. Maybe that's why this is such a difficult decision. Anything worth doing comes with challenges....if its too easy....its not worth it. It could be this is my challenge. The first hurdle to complete....what degree to choose. Sahe or secondary ed.

wedding issues

My brother is getting married next month. He and his fiancee decide to not plan the wedding until oh....two months before the wedding. I'm not sure whether they decided this because they were naive about what a wedding entails or just that they figured it would take very little to plan. Either way, guess who is doing the majority of the grunt work? Yelp, you guessed it! Moi! So, after I handmade every single invitation (below--sorry about it being sideways--I took it with my phone and haven't figured everything out with the new phone yet!), lined up the photographer, and bought my dress (I'm one of the bridesmaids). Now, I need to figure out the cake. One might think this would be the best part since you get to taste the yummy cakes...mmmm.
 But it is not, instead it is filled with stress. My brother's fiancee, Stephanie doesn't like to make decisions. Yeah, it has been a fun time with that. Since she is overwhelmed, she has decided as the bride she refuses to make any more decisions. Um..ok. I don't get it but whatever. Now, I am torn what to do about this whole cake situation. She wants a cake from Wal-mart. I don't think this is a wise decision due to the fact that the gals there had no idea how to take our order. First red flag. They couldn't tell me how much it would cost. Second flag. And they only have two flavors or cake and two types of icing. Third flag. Oh the final straw was when I spoke to my grandfather about it. He was quite upset that she chose Wal-mart (Granddad is paying for the cake as their gift). Now, I am cake shopping alone. Steph doesn't want to change anything even though Wally marts cakes takes like board. Who wants a plan old vanilla and chocolate cake anyway. Nothing special about. Plain ole white and chocolate board cake. Honestly, I probably should just tell granddad to leave it but...the cakes do not taste good. I like a yummy cake. I know it's a bit selfish to hijack the brides cake. In my defense, it's for her and the other guests benefit. Who wants to eat frozen board cake? It has been three days since she placed her order with Walmart and we still do not have a price. I just don't feel comfortable going forward with the transaction especially since I know she really hasn't shopped around to other bakeries in the town let alone the county. I have two cake tastings today. :D I will be stuffed. I can already hear the gym calling my name.
I want to do this for my brother. I want him to have the best wedding he can. There could be a place either cheaper with better cake or slightly more (really, would I know since I still don't have a price from Walmart?) with better texture and flavor options. Alright, time to eat cake!

Lights out...

The lights went out in my bathroom last night. I had the brillant idea of trying to solve the problem myself. Sadly, my brillance did not shed any light in the bathroom. Now,I need to figure out what I did wrong. Hmm.....idk.

uncertain....times???

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

I feel like I am at a crossroads. I know my last posting was about much the same as I am beginning. I'm feelin the pressure to figure out what to do. Should I continue with the degree I've started? Should I do something completely different? Do I take a chance by taking classes on campus and taking time away from my kiddos. How much different is it taking classes on campus than it is to have a full time job? Tim is pressuring me to get a job....any job. I don't want just any job. I want something that I'll be happy doing. I want to work with students,  well...people in general. If I work with great people, it makes the most mundane task so much better. I had a job interview at the local paper. I don't think I'm on their short list (I wish I would be). This interview made me realize how much I miss writing. Asking questions, trying to figure something out even if I think it's boring and stupid....someone else may need that information. It's my job to give them that information. Well, it would've been had I received the offer for the position....but at the moment it doesn't appear it will happen. On to the next .......I don't know what will happen but I'm going to keep my options open (except for factory work....I would rather...well it severely damages my ego to the point I get depressed). I get so upset about the factory job offers because I went to college only to come back and do the exact same thing I did before getting my degree?!? Really? I don't think so. I have improved myself. I am edu-acated....lol. I feel my hard work and  dedication should be worth a bit more. But it doesn't feel like it. In the mean time, I'm going to re-decorate the house and spend time with my kiddos. Appreciate time to myself, with my family. 

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on the brink....of....??

Image by Christine ™ via Flickr

I feel I'm on verge of something, but I don't know what that might be. A new adventure would be nice though many adventures require fundage which I am quite short of. That might not be the best thing (unless it's a free adventure). I notice that I tend to feel this way every few years. I get very unsettled when I don't know what's going to happen next. Even though, I have only recently (the last few years) began goal setting for myself....I am at a crossroads without one. For the last five years, my goal was to graduate with my Bachelor degree in English. Did that. Now, what? It has been almost a year since my graduation. I figured that the time would help me figure out what I wanted to be when I decided to grow up. That hasn't happened. While I wait, and contemplate, I enrolled in a Master's program. For the most part, I enjoy it. I question whether or not this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. Do I really want to hold college students' hands through their academic career? Last year, I would've said heck yeah...no Hell yeah. I was all gun ho. But now? I wonder if I just decided on this degree because it was easy for me. It's something I already know. For the most part, I get it. But do I want something easy? Or am I looking at this all wrong? Maybe it's not "easy" but something that comes natural to me. This really is my destined career. My undergraduate mentors were able to see it before I did. But I have had this fascination with Marketing. I think that is why I am really questioning my choice of degree. What if my friend Mandy hadn't told me that I would be an English major? What degree would I have went with (because I know it wouldn't have been Nursing as I originally thought)? I wonder if I would have chosen Marketing. The only setback for that degree is the amount of math...ugh I hated math. I was always good at Algebra but anything else eludes me.  Anyway, I choose English because my English Composition professors informed me I have a natural talent for writing. I have always loved reading and writing as a child. It seemed to be a no brainer. Sadly, no one told me that I would have problems getting a job without going to grad school until my Senior year. By then, my degree is complete....thanks a lot for the heads up.
I feel like something is waiting for me on the other side of....? Is it something good? Or just more heartache and time intensive work for little to no rewards. I'm not looking for a total payday. I just want something that keeps me motivated everyday. I want to go to work. I look forward to seeing my co-workers. Yes, it would be nice if I could live comfortably, but in this economy--it's highly doubtful.

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