I'm back....

After a very long break from writing, I've returned to writing. Now the biggest decision for me is do I continue with this blog site or do I start anew? I still haven't figured that our quite yet. One of the reasons why I haven't been on this site is because I lost my password and didn't gain access to the email attached until recently. I do hold some sentimental value to this blog. It was my first. It's like the first kiss or first sexual encounter--you never forget it. But like a first love, I'm wondering if I need to let it go or perhaps--I'm not sure. Have I outgrown this blog which to be honest isn't really a blog but more like an online journal or misc crap. I never had a theme. I ranted about stupid stuff most of the time. It is the blog I used when my husband was in Iraq.  I whined about my undergraduate studies. I'm more attached to the memories I have from that time period versus the actual blog. Really, the writing is kinda crap with nothing really said. It's just me whining--much the same as I am doing now. Maybe it's a therapeutic outlet for me.   

countdown to a deadline

With my deadline fast approaching, I am stuck. I have yet to decide upon the topic of my nonfiction essay let alone write it. The time is ticking away. I know I should not be such a procrastinator but yet I did. I should've at least picked my topic a few days ago and did some sort of prewriting. Last night, I had this brilliant idea...I didn't stop and write it down instead I played it out in my head, allowed it to briskly walk out of my mind while I was eating supper. This afternoon while I was cleaning the pool another idea came to me about the purpose of blogging. I think I'll attempt this concept. The whole premise is to attempt to figure out why people blog. I know why I blog--at first it was because I know so many people who do...peer pressure made me begin. My love of writing is why I continue. Why do people blog about the best way to skim a pool or those damn mommy blogs to science geeks giving everyone their latest thoughts about microphysics--everyone has something to say. But why do we feel that everyone else wants to know about these latest and greatest epiphanies? It's not like those annoying mommy blogs are all that great--yes funny at times if you find the right blog but for the most part quite boring learning about how little Timmy made a pee two days in a row or how little Suzi has drawn on her floral walls again causing her mother to think the child has artistic talent when by the photo attached to the entry clearly shows little Suzi has the same artistic talent that every other three year has. Really what are we all accomplishing by blogging everyday or in some cases every hour? Do we really have that much to say? Are we that interesting?  In some cases, no. There's always that exception to the rule. That one person who does it for the sheer joy of writing and sharing ideas. Who wants to help others bake that vegan apple pie to perfection or to help little Johnny make a bird house for his scouting badge or just to share their day with someone else. Rest assured there is a blogger out there with your interest--there's a million of us out there sharing, posting, and vlogging.
The ending sucks. It needs work. A good start. Works still needs to be done. That's what editing is all about!!

a great beginning

I am excited about this semester. I won the Secretary position for Student Government along with being an officer of Humanities Club. I am totally stoked about my writing. I have been writing quite a bit.Today in particular has been a very blissful day. Oddly, enough nothing happened that was awesome or anything. If truth be known, nothing good and nothing bad happened. The only difference is that I began the day writing. I may have to do this more often. Last night, I fell asleep writing. Writing has brightened my day. I discovered so many things about my characters in the past few days. I know that John did try to keep Kate away from him but she keeps throwing herself on him. For some reason I always felt like John is a total sleeze for cheating on Lacey but I suppose now he doesn't seem like a total sleeze now....just a slight sleeze.

I am so happy that I don't think anyone could rain on my mood. I really have no explanation for think blissful mood.

stupidity

Lately, I have been surrounded by stupidity, either from coworkers, fellow classmates or my family. I even found a moment I, myself have lapsed into the stupid realm. How does one escape this realm? Well it's quite simple really.
Step 1 realize you have entered stupid realm.
Step 2 realize and accept you, yourself have joined the elite into stupidity
Step 3 after acceptance you must find where you entered into stupiddom whether it be through falling due to not tying your shoes or tripping over an invisible step.
Step 4 move on try not to reenter the land of the stupid.
It's quite obvious I am still stuck in this realm due to this oddity of a blog. If you are like me who has accepted the stupidity even it you thought it was just a moment but yet here you are again trapped among the stupid. Then obviously you never left.....the stupid have tricked you into thinking you did which proves that they may not be as stupid as you are. They must need a new leader. Obviously, a writer since I have been carrying on about this for quite a few sentences now without any indications of stopping anytime soon. Though I find parts of this funny, it is rather scary too. Who can write about nothing? Obviously, I can. The stupid have adopted me. I need to return to the land of smart people though at times I feel and think they are the grandest of the stupid. They are stupid with a degree. Pft, that's just dangerous. And to think people like that are teaching our children! No wonder my kid has moments of complete and utter stupidity. He's being feed stupidity through his textbooks, teacher's lectures, worksheets, homework. It's all a plot to mold more stupidity among the ranks. I believe I will attempt to leave stupiddom hopefully for awhile but we shall see.

lost

I feel like I am just wandering through life lately without any real purpose. I get up go to work come home, eat get kids to bed, watch tv a bit, go to bed. Same ole, same ole. Its funny because I love routine but lately I really hate it--almost despise it. Maybe its because what I really want to do is write. That what I need to do, so why do I put it off. I feel the pressure of others telling that I need to write--to be published but yet I write very little. Am I sabotaging myself? Do I not want to succeed? Or am I scared of what will happen if I do? It could be the opposite too--scared of rejection and/or failure. What I need to do is pull up my big girl panties and write. Not listen to what others tell me about writing or publishing (all that takes the fun out of writing). Go escape to my writing. Let it release me from the mundane routine of life.

Overwhelmed!

I am extremely relieved that the semester is finally over. Yea! But on the down side of that is now I have to really focus on my writing. For some reason this scared the shit out of me. I think it's because now....I'm not just pretending to be a writer, I am a writer. As a writer, there are certain expectations which come with this label such as being a published writer. Really, is one a writer if they are not published? Are they just pretending if not published? OH geez that first rejection! Ouch! Always hurts. Could not being published the fear of rejection instead of fear of writing--the fear of truth? Why write? Do I have to? Sometimes--yes I do. But other times--no. So then why go through all the hassle? There are better writers. There are worse. So why torture yourself? Writing can at times be torturous. But it also calms me. I feel at peace while in my writing world. It's a place where I am someone else. Someone with different worries and different problems. Someone who is like me but not. Someone who lives like me but doesn't. Someone who despises me but loves me. It's a world where I can be completely myself or the opposite.
This could be why I am having problems focusing on my current writing project, I don't want to be me. The characters are very much like me. Almost too much. I feel like in a way they are me. That is scary. Rejection is scary. I'm just scared, and I don't like that.

Josh

These are some thing I know about Josh.
Name: Joshua Randall Bly
Age: 26
Married to Elizabeth
Parents: Lacey and John Bly
Dislikes: stupid people, his "best friend," people who uses facades
Likes: running, beaches, swimming, windsurfing, baseball
Wishes: to have his life back as it was before his father had cancer
Hopes: to get the hell out of his hometown
has one half sibling from an affair his father had who is just two months younger than himself.
Happiest: when he lived in North Carolina
Unhappiest: Iraq
Scariest: not knowing anything about his wife when she was in the hospital
Someone he misses: Granddad--who died when he was 15
Car he drives: 2007 Ford Mustang--Cherry Red
He designed and built the house he & Liz lives in. He gave it to her as an anniversary gift.
He loves his mother unconditionally but hates his father with a passion
Works: Bly Constructions as President with his father and half- brother, Caleb
Favorite drink: Irish Coffee
Favorite Food: Cheeseburger from Cathy's Restaurant on Salem St.
Favorite place: Liz's aunt's beach house in North Carolina
Biggest Fear: Liz will leave him for Caleb

lack of academic success

I have realized twice this I have yet to really accomplish anything during the three years I have been at Indiana University East. I now feel like a failure. I have no papers published--nothing published really. I have not defended nor presented anything. My only accomplishment is World Language and Culture Club and Humanities Club....oh and Honors Program. I decided to take less classes in order to gain these academic must haves for graduate school. I need to start working on my novel ....I mean seriously work on it not this crap of write two or three sentences and then be done. I need to write--seriously write. I need to get back to the big picture of all this--graduate school then to teach. I need to keep the big picture in focus by keeping the distractions at bay. I know none of this will be simple nor easy but hell nothing in life is easy.
I also need to upgrade my knowledge to technology. Yes, obviously I know and understand the basics of the computer and such but I want to know more about linking sites and so forth along with photoshopping. I had thought about getting a book for dummies about photoshop since I feel like a complte idiot at time when I use it especially since Michelle is so technologically advanced though she is living with an IT nerd.

Academics and Literature

I made a huge mistake this semester....I didn't take Senior Seminar which I need in order to graduate but now I realize I could have graduated next summer. Now, I feel real stupid. I just pushed myself back one year. I wonder if I can take graduate classes before actually graduating with my bachelor degree. I suppose I could work on another minor or major. Who knows. Everything happens for a reason though at this moment I really can't tell why I made such a huge blunder. This is a perfect example of why you should always listen to that little voice in your head. Damn that voice! I think I really wanted more time to work on my novel. I have so much to work on. That is another thing on my to do list. I will get that finished by the end of the summer. At least the first draft anyway.

Another note, I met with Laverne to review my papers for her class. I was quite surprised about how little she had to say about one paper but not the other although the L225 paper was (is) a mess. I had no focus. ...no organization....oh it was bad. I am going to start all over with my revision. A perfect example of why one should not write a paper just hours before it is due. L346 the paper has focus with only a few grammar errors. I have found grammar is not my friend. Actually it is quite the opposite. It loathes me. My grammar is in deseparate need of improvement in both English and French. I am determined that grammar and I will be friends by the time I graduate.

I must say my conversation with Laverne was quite interesting. She said she loved my analysis from each book our class has read and felt that I should not turn away from literary analysis because I have such insight about the works. She quizzed me about which genre within creative writing I wanted to specialize in. She asked if I had taken Mary's Poetry class. Of course I had to tell he I was avoiding it because poetry was my drawback in W203. She informed me I really need Mary's class because every great and classical writer gained control over their writing by writing poetry. I gained such insight and respect for her today. One thing that slightly confuses me is how she knew I wanted my MFA. Did I tell her that at the beginning of the semester? Or did someone else tell her? I suppose it doesn't really matter though.

literature paper delimmas

I am supposed to be doing some pre-writing for a paper in literature class well actually two papers for two seprate literature classes but in World Masterpieces I have let her know what my topic is on Tuesday. I have no isea what the heck to write about .....either wite something on The Odyssey or Antigone. Right now, I'm leaning more toward Odyssey than Antigone. I think I'm going to write later on with a few pre-writing ideas.

The Shoe that drops

This is an exercise from on of my writing books......The Lie That Tells the Truth by John Dufresne. I am going to do these exercises for my characters of my novel.

"What do you think is missing in your life?" shouts the evangelist from the small box-shaped television sitting atop of the counter behind the bubble gum popping, long, bright red painted acrylic nailed attendant with bright red lipstick and way too much blush on her tiny cheeks. She scans his items between pops of the bright blue gum. "That'll be $20.96," pop, slurp. Josh tosses $21 walks out the door thinking about that question. What is missing? It's true something is. Other than normalcy. Nothing is normal anymore. Nothing has been normal for months. Car honks at him for stepping in front of it though he barely notices. Six months before he noticed everything and everyone. He had to. If he didn't people died. People died.......he was surrounded by death. He couldn't escape it. Enemies, friends, buddies, strangers, children, women......they all died. He didn't. He didn't even get hurt. Why? Was it an act of GOD like his mother said? Or was he just lucky? Nah....can't be luck......if that was the case life would be different. He wouldn't be wondering through life questioning everyone and everything.