Writing & Panic attacks

I am trying to figure out why I feel a tightening in my stomach every time I sit down to write. Or I will draw complete blanks. I will completely forget the scene I was about to write. I can't come up with another scene....I haven't been able to clearly formulate a scene for days. I need to get on the ball and get something figured out whether it be from the beginning middle or end. I need to get something down.
*scene ideas*
--Liz's miscarriage
--Casey's OD and the after effects
--Josh's leave
I will come back to this blog so as to give me inspiration to write. I will begin writing about the three scenes above. Casey's story should be very good..since she has a little girl maybe about toddler years? Liz has to move from her loss of her own baby to caring for this cute little girl who has been through a trying experience with her mother who is addicted to some type of drug (I'll specify the drug at a later date possibly as I am writing). I feel very surreal right now. I have a plan I know where the story is going, I know what I am doing for the next week. I have goals. I have plans. I have something to count.

Josh

These are some thing I know about Josh.
Name: Joshua Randall Bly
Age: 26
Married to Elizabeth
Parents: Lacey and John Bly
Dislikes: stupid people, his "best friend," people who uses facades
Likes: running, beaches, swimming, windsurfing, baseball
Wishes: to have his life back as it was before his father had cancer
Hopes: to get the hell out of his hometown
has one half sibling from an affair his father had who is just two months younger than himself.
Happiest: when he lived in North Carolina
Unhappiest: Iraq
Scariest: not knowing anything about his wife when she was in the hospital
Someone he misses: Granddad--who died when he was 15
Car he drives: 2007 Ford Mustang--Cherry Red
He designed and built the house he & Liz lives in. He gave it to her as an anniversary gift.
He loves his mother unconditionally but hates his father with a passion
Works: Bly Constructions as President with his father and half- brother, Caleb
Favorite drink: Irish Coffee
Favorite Food: Cheeseburger from Cathy's Restaurant on Salem St.
Favorite place: Liz's aunt's beach house in North Carolina
Biggest Fear: Liz will leave him for Caleb

lack of academic success

I have realized twice this I have yet to really accomplish anything during the three years I have been at Indiana University East. I now feel like a failure. I have no papers published--nothing published really. I have not defended nor presented anything. My only accomplishment is World Language and Culture Club and Humanities Club....oh and Honors Program. I decided to take less classes in order to gain these academic must haves for graduate school. I need to start working on my novel ....I mean seriously work on it not this crap of write two or three sentences and then be done. I need to write--seriously write. I need to get back to the big picture of all this--graduate school then to teach. I need to keep the big picture in focus by keeping the distractions at bay. I know none of this will be simple nor easy but hell nothing in life is easy.
I also need to upgrade my knowledge to technology. Yes, obviously I know and understand the basics of the computer and such but I want to know more about linking sites and so forth along with photoshopping. I had thought about getting a book for dummies about photoshop since I feel like a complte idiot at time when I use it especially since Michelle is so technologically advanced though she is living with an IT nerd.

Understanding Josh

I have been trying to write the next chapter of this novel for the last three days, yet all I have to show for it is a few decent paragraphs. I guess its at least a start, but I just wish I had more. I might be trying to push too much or I'm just not making enough time for it to flow. I read a bit from my book of exercises, do an exercise, then not much else. I need to then immediately startn on the novel. I am not spending enough time with my characters. I need to get to know them again especially since Josh has developed a mental disorder. I need to get to know the adult Josh. When I began writing with these characters, most of the story was Josh growing up though more and more of the story is his adulthood. I think the story is essentially about him as an adult but I had to write about him as a child in order to understand why he is the way he is.