Scared of his return

I am very nervous and anxious about my husband coming home. I don't know what to expect from him. How much has he changed? How much have I changed? I have been a single mom for a little over 10 months. We have routines and systems. How will he react to the boys? Will he be overly strict or criticize how lenient I am? Lately, I feel I have slacked a bit when it comes to discipline. I get tired and exhausted. I just don't have the energy to correct them for every little thing they do. Later, I feel like a horrible mother because I didn't bust on them. This is one reason why I can't wait for Tim to come home. When these incidents arise, he can jump in and give me a break. We used to be partners in everything. (Though at times it didn't feel that way.) If I was tired or he was the other would jump in and take care of the boys. I am really scared about his reactions to how me and the boys act now verses how we used to act before he left. That and I don't clean the house as thoroughly as I used to. I'm scared he'll gripe at me for it. I guess, I'm scared that he will be a grouchy jerk who goes to work and complains when he is home. He was like that with one of his past jobs. That attitude almost ended our marriage because I could not deal with the constant bitching and complaining.

Missed Lunch

Today has been very hectic. I have a standing lunch date with my friend, Mandy. Today was so hectic that I forgot to call her to tell her I was too swamped to leave the office. Instead, we ordered pizza. Poor Mandy had to spend her lunch break in my office. I feel so bad. The whole reason we go out for lunch is to get away from the campus and offices. It is also the time where we vent to each other about our co-workers or life itself. I cherish these lunches we have. I can talk about anything and vice versa without worrying about whether another person or co-worker will walk in and overhear the conversation.