I'm back....

After a very long break from writing, I've returned to writing. Now the biggest decision for me is do I continue with this blog site or do I start anew? I still haven't figured that our quite yet. One of the reasons why I haven't been on this site is because I lost my password and didn't gain access to the email attached until recently. I do hold some sentimental value to this blog. It was my first. It's like the first kiss or first sexual encounter--you never forget it. But like a first love, I'm wondering if I need to let it go or perhaps--I'm not sure. Have I outgrown this blog which to be honest isn't really a blog but more like an online journal or misc crap. I never had a theme. I ranted about stupid stuff most of the time. It is the blog I used when my husband was in Iraq.  I whined about my undergraduate studies. I'm more attached to the memories I have from that time period versus the actual blog. Really, the writing is kinda crap with nothing really said. It's just me whining--much the same as I am doing now. Maybe it's a therapeutic outlet for me.   

A sisters pride

Rob 

Today my little brother married his soulmate. All the hard work on the wedding preparations paid off when I saw the look on his face when his bride walked down the aisle. Tears in his eyes, a heart filled with eternal love, I could see their entire life through his tears. The nights curled up on the sofa together, helping each other through their various health issues all while having gods love in their hearts. It was a very emotional ceremony for me, my brother, and his new wife. I was reminded how proud I am of the many accomplishments Rob has. He battled alcoholism for a number of years. He has been recovering for 5 years. Today is the second proudest I have ever been for him....the first was when he checked himself into rehab and began his road to recovery.

Wedding Stresses

My first attempt 

Tomorrow, my brother is getting married. I have been his unofficial wedding planner. I made the invitations, organized the food, destressed the bride for getting overwhelmed (daily), and (so far) attempted NOT to kill the maid of honor who has thus far shucked her duties even "forgetting" to book the avenue for the bridal shower. I am also making the finishing touches to the cupcake tree, I made. The paper isn't right so I need to resurface it. The whole thing was giving me fits. The first one I made, looked like my eight year olds made it. I was not pleased. The second one is coming along smoothly (now I know what not to do). 

My future

I'm in the process of making some major life changes. At the moment I'm stuck at a crossroad, the only thing I know is :i need to return to college for a master's degree. Herein lies my dilemma....I've been substituting at various school districts throughout darke county. I do enjoy it....I don't love it like some of my former classmates do. I think that maybe a problem. I'm not sure. I have figured out I'm not comfortable with the elementary kids...they listen to me with zero problems, but those LOL middle freak me out. I'm afraid that I won't teach them enough for the next phase of their education. Did I only choose education because I thought it would be easy or due to actually enjoying the jr/sr high schoolers?
If secondary education is not my destiny or whatever ya want to call it.....then what is? Before I finished my bachelor's degree, I was contemplating a master's in student affairs. Technically, both are education degrees.  I do enjoy helping students. Maybe that's why this is such a difficult decision. Anything worth doing comes with challenges....if its too easy....its not worth it. It could be this is my challenge. The first hurdle to complete....what degree to choose. Sahe or secondary ed.

wedding issues

My brother is getting married next month. He and his fiancee decide to not plan the wedding until oh....two months before the wedding. I'm not sure whether they decided this because they were naive about what a wedding entails or just that they figured it would take very little to plan. Either way, guess who is doing the majority of the grunt work? Yelp, you guessed it! Moi! So, after I handmade every single invitation (below--sorry about it being sideways--I took it with my phone and haven't figured everything out with the new phone yet!), lined up the photographer, and bought my dress (I'm one of the bridesmaids). Now, I need to figure out the cake. One might think this would be the best part since you get to taste the yummy cakes...mmmm.
 But it is not, instead it is filled with stress. My brother's fiancee, Stephanie doesn't like to make decisions. Yeah, it has been a fun time with that. Since she is overwhelmed, she has decided as the bride she refuses to make any more decisions. Um..ok. I don't get it but whatever. Now, I am torn what to do about this whole cake situation. She wants a cake from Wal-mart. I don't think this is a wise decision due to the fact that the gals there had no idea how to take our order. First red flag. They couldn't tell me how much it would cost. Second flag. And they only have two flavors or cake and two types of icing. Third flag. Oh the final straw was when I spoke to my grandfather about it. He was quite upset that she chose Wal-mart (Granddad is paying for the cake as their gift). Now, I am cake shopping alone. Steph doesn't want to change anything even though Wally marts cakes takes like board. Who wants a plan old vanilla and chocolate cake anyway. Nothing special about. Plain ole white and chocolate board cake. Honestly, I probably should just tell granddad to leave it but...the cakes do not taste good. I like a yummy cake. I know it's a bit selfish to hijack the brides cake. In my defense, it's for her and the other guests benefit. Who wants to eat frozen board cake? It has been three days since she placed her order with Walmart and we still do not have a price. I just don't feel comfortable going forward with the transaction especially since I know she really hasn't shopped around to other bakeries in the town let alone the county. I have two cake tastings today. :D I will be stuffed. I can already hear the gym calling my name.
I want to do this for my brother. I want him to have the best wedding he can. There could be a place either cheaper with better cake or slightly more (really, would I know since I still don't have a price from Walmart?) with better texture and flavor options. Alright, time to eat cake!

Lights out...

The lights went out in my bathroom last night. I had the brillant idea of trying to solve the problem myself. Sadly, my brillance did not shed any light in the bathroom. Now,I need to figure out what I did wrong. Hmm.....idk.

uncertain....times???

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

I feel like I am at a crossroads. I know my last posting was about much the same as I am beginning. I'm feelin the pressure to figure out what to do. Should I continue with the degree I've started? Should I do something completely different? Do I take a chance by taking classes on campus and taking time away from my kiddos. How much different is it taking classes on campus than it is to have a full time job? Tim is pressuring me to get a job....any job. I don't want just any job. I want something that I'll be happy doing. I want to work with students,  well...people in general. If I work with great people, it makes the most mundane task so much better. I had a job interview at the local paper. I don't think I'm on their short list (I wish I would be). This interview made me realize how much I miss writing. Asking questions, trying to figure something out even if I think it's boring and stupid....someone else may need that information. It's my job to give them that information. Well, it would've been had I received the offer for the position....but at the moment it doesn't appear it will happen. On to the next .......I don't know what will happen but I'm going to keep my options open (except for factory work....I would rather...well it severely damages my ego to the point I get depressed). I get so upset about the factory job offers because I went to college only to come back and do the exact same thing I did before getting my degree?!? Really? I don't think so. I have improved myself. I am edu-acated....lol. I feel my hard work and  dedication should be worth a bit more. But it doesn't feel like it. In the mean time, I'm going to re-decorate the house and spend time with my kiddos. Appreciate time to myself, with my family. 

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