Friday, January 11, 2008

Scared of his return

I am very nervous and anxious about my husband coming home. I don't know what to expect from him. How much has he changed? How much have I changed? I have been a single mom for a little over 10 months. We have routines and systems. How will he react to the boys? Will he be overly strict or criticize how lenient I am? Lately, I feel I have slacked a bit when it comes to discipline. I get tired and exhausted. I just don't have the energy to correct them for every little thing they do. Later, I feel like a horrible mother because I didn't bust on them. This is one reason why I can't wait for Tim to come home. When these incidents arise, he can jump in and give me a break. We used to be partners in everything. (Though at times it didn't feel that way.) If I was tired or he was the other would jump in and take care of the boys. I am really scared about his reactions to how me and the boys act now verses how we used to act before he left. That and I don't clean the house as thoroughly as I used to. I'm scared he'll gripe at me for it. I guess, I'm scared that he will be a grouchy jerk who goes to work and complains when he is home. He was like that with one of his past jobs. That attitude almost ended our marriage because I could not deal with the constant bitching and complaining.

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